Non Violent Communication

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What is NVC?

Non Violent Communication was developed by Marshall Rosenberg in the last half of the 20th Century.  He founded the Center for NonViolent Communication in 1984.  Non Violent Communication uses a simple process at its core, and has shown an incredible capability of being effective in a variety of contexts from interpersonal conflict, workplace conflict,  community based conflicts to war.  

Non Violent Communication, however, is not a “new” concept.  Its lineage is in older, indigenous, ways of being, rooted in reciprocity, interdependence, and ‘village mindedness’.  It is the wisdom of love and grief, of deep compassion, of what Thich Nhat Than called interbeing.

NVC uses a 4 Step Model that is the same whether you are the one expressing or receiving another’s expression.

4 Step Model:

There are two sides to the model. Each party/participant is either:

  • Empathically Listening
  • Honestly Expressing

Both sides of the of the NVC model use the same four steps:

  1. Observations (versus thoughts, interpretations)
  2. Feelings (versus judgments)
  3. Needs (versus strategies)
  4. Requests (versus demands) 

NVC is rooted in a worldview of interbeing, that we are all (humans, the earth and the more than human world) in relation with each other, and therefore our capacity to live is deeply connected to all that is around us. All beings share the same universal needs and life’s abundance is the collective actions taken to meet those needs. Under each action we take there is a need that is trying to be fulfilled. Our needs are not in conflict, but rather our strategies to meet those needs.

When we take the time and care to give ourselves empathy and notice we are part of a much larger web of life, we can experience a deepened connection with self and soul that can be liberating. This deepened self connection and soul work can then create the conditions for us to honestly and authentically express ourselves. We then have a greater capacity to be present and listen to others with empathy and care and to support them to honestly express themselves. To be heard and understood with authenticity can be a deeply transformative experience. When this is experienced in community, there is the potential for collective healing and the sprouting of a seed that can grow into what Charles Eisenstein so cleverly calls the “more beautiful world our hearts know is possible.”